Archive for the 'My Life in Art' Category


why i love to be an artist, and in general- why life is great(mostly anyway :)

Hi all, i decided to cram in some general information about all the nice things i was lucky enough to have witnessed in the past few month, as well as the sad ones that nevertheless deserve mentioning. Part of me writing it might be a bit of narcissism, part might be me wanting to share, and yet another part doesn’t want things to be forgotten,- so there, if you’re interested, keep reading, if not..well stop here i suggest 😉 I mentioned this lovely lady before in my blog, but i would like to do it again, as she deserves it massively! Nicole Le Grange- also known as the founder of NIKA,                                                                                                                       She singlehandedly launched her own label a few month back in a lovely little gallery off Oxford street to an exited audience, which of course included me!                                                                                                                Her website is and you should definitely invest some time to check her shoes out! One excitement gone next one was already in the waiting. Mr Philip Levine’s Headism exhibition. It’s still on untill tomorrow, so i strongly recommend popping down there if you have the chance to! Phil has been all over London in an impressive advertising campaign that announced the forthcoming show. If you’d like to read more, check out Also,- i’m in the show- so that alone should be reason enough for you to pop down 😉 Another happy event was Rick and Rosa Tozer’s wedding, which means nothing to anyone who doesn’t know these two lovely creatures, but trust me when i say- they are worth knowing!!!  A -not so nice event- was the earthquake in Japan, as most of you know, though nevertheless did it bring the good people out ones again and out came -DEATH DRAWING- which was an event at the metalworkz in Angel trying to raise funds for Japan. That meant that Santiago Genochio staged an incredible japanese-rope-bondage performance which all attendants then drew.

In addition to that, my lovely little mermaid Anne Von Bengard organized  an art auction, where artists, such as myself could donate a piece of art and the returns were donated too! It was a fun night as i was giving her a hand with the whole event.All in all the whole evening was a great success!

(this was another fundraising artwork of mine for the red cross)

Shortly after that Anne curated another exhibition at a party called RUMPUS, where i had the honor of being part once again.Check out her blog btw! She’s a fabulous artiste in her own right

In general i have to say that the past few month have been massively creative for me, as i have been busy with my monster project, yet to keep sane and not completely drown in ‘monstering’ i drew, i painted  and in general produced a hell of a lot of artwork, which was all in all really very satisfying!

those are but a few results….

Daf and Blondie (Anne) were the first couple of wood-paintings i attempted, followed by those two

and since one of my favorite subjects of all times is and will remain- ME 😛

Of course it’s not just me 😉

Those are woodpaintings of and as mentioned before Philip Levine.

I have been experimenting with mixed media such as paper mache and ‘sort-of’ installations…..

And then recently i started experimenting with ink on bristol, which is an amazingly sharp finish!

The lovely lady on the left is another fellow german and one of the gorgeous models of my Monsters and Kink project. The rather charming looking  spineless c***face on the right is another fabulous example that one should only trust in ones own abilities when it comes to the unrelenting world of working adults, in which everyone tries to get ahead only to serve oneself ….! In short- this is my other half’s ex-boss, and as you may have noticed in the past, people that piss me off deserve my undivided attention, as i believe in Karma, and one of those days spineless individuals will get  back what they so crudely caused in the first place….!

I also designed a couple of T-shirt’s for my friend Anthony Noll’s label

which can be purchased either online or @ Topman as well as selfridges

On a sadder note, i would like to mention my friend Pierre Cassen’s name here, as he sadly passed away on april the 24th 2011. he died of an epileptic fit at the age of 31 in the city i gave my heart to- Barcelona…!

it is amazing how life can snap back into perspective in an instant when you loose a friend…! i still can’t quite grasp my loss here, but i try every day and there will definitely be some artwork involved in my mourning process at some point.

It just goes to show how fragile it all is, and how quick it can be over.It makes me even more determined to try and appreciate everyday to it’s fullest, to be content in what i do- to try and not hurt anyone and to live my life as the gift that it is, to be grateful for what i own and what skills i have, to spend time with the people i love and inspire me, stay away from those that don’t, and to try to inspire others too in the process.

At that i will draw this post to an end, since it’s been quite some essay already. My Monster-update will shortly follow, with all the delicious making off pic, as well as Archie’s adventure into the fetish scene and some more comic action regarding Monsters and Kink



My quest for hope…in art and else.

By that i really don’t mean that i don’t understand all of it, but i do have a slight issue with the idea that everything can be art, since- if everything can be art, then it somewhat makes the whole idea of art itself void- for equally- nothing can be art all the same.

In my world, and by no means is that anything for anybody to go by- to be an artist, is to create. I don’t entirely disagree with the notion, that just the idea is already somewhat of a creation, although i simply dislike  art for art’s sake. Meaning- in this day and age, that i like to call “big brother society” were everything must be shocking and outrageous to get any sort of  appreciation, where people are calling themselves realists, which in my eyes are only pessimists in disguise, – in this day and age, i believe what’s needed most, is artists that try and find beauty in the darkest of places.

I like dark art. I like it a lot in fact, though i do believe that it is not the task of the artist to make everything yet worse then it already is, but to try and find, what others can’t seem to see…some kind of beauty or hope maybe in need for other words…!

The more i converse about the same subject, the more questions it holds for me, one major one being: if anything is art- why do we need it any longer. If it entertains an idea, if it is a comment on the world, by no means -then it really is an over prized journal.

I for  one like art to stimulate me, to arouse me, to educate me, to give me hope, to give me an outlet of feelings i would otherwise not be able to digest, and fair enough, other artists make art for all those reasons too, yet i suppose, the great discomfort  prospers in the idea, that some people singlehandedly decide and make, what “contemporary art” is, as well as break the same idea. Say Saachi par example. He decides what is news in the art world. Quite like Rupert Murdoch in the world of news and entertainment, as well as Anna Wintour in the world of fashion.

I can’t quite place where my disconcertment about all this originates from, but it is something that is playing with my mind for quite sometime.

My latest work regarding that very issue, is ” if it wasn’t this, it would be something else”

It’s about my fear of pointlessness, of emptiness, of beauty just flying away like a butterfly. The very subject in the middle being Damian Hirst.

I suppose, it’s not just that. It’s the general hopelessness that i seem to encounter in my contemporaries. The serenity with which people around my age seem to accept the path that lies ahead for them. the numerous friends that encounter there midlife crises by the time they hit 30 , simply for they haven’t done what they have dreamed of when they were a little younger.

They stop challenging ideas, stop questioning what’s right or wrong, and almost feel to tired and worn out to even argue about it. All of it drains the life out of me some times, although at other times it seems to be the very force that keeps me going.

I love people that have an almost childish drive in them, a feeling that still all is possible if one can think it up. The kind that would rather appreaciate beauty then dwell on the ugly. The kind that take “impossible” as a challenge!

I am so fortunate to have people like that in my life because they inspire me so much. I’d really like to take this part of my blog to name but a few of these amazing individuals.

There would be Anne ( blondie) von Bengard

whom i clicked with exceedingly the first moment we’ve met. Anne is a very talented young lady , who looks at the world with the kind of fresh optimism that i like! I love all the colors in her artwork and she is never shy of trying new thing, and discovering herself in the process.

Then there is Philip Levine, whom’s thought-up head designs never cease to amaze me. I feel also very inspired by the drive Mr Levine has when it comes to creativity. He is- it seems – constantly on the go and has his first major exhibition coming up very soon.

There is Nicole Le grange, a fantastic south african lady that i met in a pub and whom’s energy and drive is very much inspiring to me! She too had recently her first launch of her own shoe label Nika- love art wear art

One last one, because otherwise this page will never end, is- lovely Jane Moore. She is also an illustrator and has recently launched her cartoon website ” ugly bug”

I love her illustrations, and she is a damn fine lady on top of that!

This is to name only a few as my list could go on forever, but i guess in writing it down, i am somewhat trying to keep myself aware of just how many great inspiring people i have in my life.

So i guess, to conclude( and that’s only for now) I wont stop trying to understand the deeper meaning of art and being as such, but i suppose as long as i have such fantastic people close to me, i am not lost at all!

Art is like masturbation.
It is selfish and introverted and done for you and you alone.

Design is like sex. there is someone else involved,
their needs are just as important as your own,
and if everything goes right,
both parties are happy in the end.

– Colin Wright




The past year….

My past year in terms of blogging…very lazy…..very lazy indeed!
But there you go, new year, new blog, new ideas and plenty of them!
But to begin one must start where one ended, and that was pretty much january 2010.
I should think the easiest way to approach writing about a whole year, is to categorize it into important events.
So there was- my move to Streatham,- a chance encounter with a chapelier, a hatter so to say, through whom i had the honour of representing my country @ the Royal Ascot, by wearing a rather eccentric head piece…

That week was an exciting one, as i managed to pull off wearing one dress on 3 different occasions…
The Royal Ascot,- my brothers wedding and Torture garden ….;)

That’s what i call- RESULT 🙂

Before all of that, i had an even more exciting event happening, which even in the grand scheme of things, will be holding up against a lot for years to come! My stint @ the Tate Modern.

To begin wih i must thank Mr. Luis Franck, without whom this would have never happened, so:
To cut a semi long story short, it was the 10th anniversary of the Tate Modern, and the , a new and exciting exhibition for non professional artists, got a spot in the Turbine Hall.
One had to go there with ones piece of art, face a jury that would not only scrutinize the art piece, but also dug deep into who YOU are.
And then you wait….and wait…… and then at some point, when all hope had faded away, a lovely lady came strolling towards me, adorned with my painting, which i was already preparing to take home with me again, only to inform me, that in fact “my dead little bird” was chosen to be hung in the exhibition.

This should have felt like a grand moment, since in retrospective-it was, yet it didn’t feel like anything much at all.
I suppose the saying applies “happiness is only real when shared”
That couldn’t have been any truer that very moment.I had to leave the building and make my way home, until slowly, very slowly feelings of relief, excitement, and surely a bit of pride set in.

The painting has been donated to the exhibition and remains with it, as i felt it a fitting ‘send-off’ to a rather upsetting, if informative time of my life.
The boy on the painting likes to call himself Sigmund and has contributed to a great deal of enlightenment, but also to an even greater amount of upset and despair.
It was the perfect time to close that chapter!
There was one more attempt to clear my system of what he had unsettled and troubled, but i had to abort it and admit to myself, that the upset had gone as well as the scorn, and replaced with some kind of indifference.
The painting is now resting soundly beneath a rather interesting new piece of art, which is still very much in the making!
I can safely say, that i became to happy to remain hurt and resentful, to further give my attention to somebody, that didn’t deserve it in the first place.
All the latter mentioned has happened since i fell in love. And when i say fell, i suppose the correct term would be falling, as i am still falling every day….

The reason for enclosing all these rather personal details to my state of mind and my emotions is quite simple.
I suppose some of my best pieces yet, have been born out of extrem despair as well as uplifting happiness , neither of which is a constant state, though it is and remains within my art and is without a doubt one of the main driving forces.



After my last blog about Tattoo’s this one doesn’t come entirely unrelated. It somewhat started with a Tattoo design, that my focus got directed at storyboards, and Illustrations.

For a while, i was seriously contemplating about becoming a Tattooist myself.  As before mentioned, i love Tattoos, and i love drawing, painting etc, so the combination of both would just be a great job to have! In the end, i don’t think it’s as straight forward and easy to get into it though.

Tattooists it seems to me have this tight knitted little society, where it isn’t quite as easy as- “hello’ i wanna be a Tattooist, teach me and off we go…” with a closer look, there is a lot more dedication to it, than just that. In most cases, one is expected to work for completely free and since there is no actual apprenticeship, there are also no actual guidelines for when you are ready to go.

Frankly, for me, being in my current situation as a hairdresser, it seems nearly impossible to ever enter an unpaid apprenticeship, least not forget, that one get’s given an apprenticeship not just because one wants one, but because the “teacher ” sees one fit to deserve one, so i got told.

In any case, i wont be able to adjust my life to that, since i need to work and earn money to maintain a living, and i am well above the age that i could stay at my parents and enjoy their support. And also there’s the fact that living in a country other than my own, things don’t get any easier.

But enough of that. Perhaps, once i manage to go freelance completely with my art, i might find a way after all….let’s see.

But this isn’t actually where i was going with the story.

Where i meant to go was here: Because of my wish to become a Tattooist, i just drew and drew and drew. Just random stuff, but also Tattoo designs for friends, as well as for myself.

One of those was for Debby, my-then-collegue

eventually it turned out rather different, due to the fact that Debby, despite my nagging didn’t really do any research and ended up going to a butcher who did a rather hideous job, to then finally listen and go to see Lianne who did her best to make something nice out of it!

Now, the other one Lianne actually urned into reality was Steven’s Tattoo. Steven is one of my lovely hairdressing client, and he asked me one day if i could design something around his old Tattoo, and if i knew somebody who’d be good at doing it as well, so i had a crack at it, and what came out of that was this here:

I drew it and shortly after he got it done and this is how it looks :

So after this, Steven was so pleased with it, that he came to the salon, to thanks me, as well as to ask me, whether i’d be interested in drawing up a storyboard. I guess that would have been the first time i ever heard of such a thing, and i had no clue what it meant, but i said -yes- anyway!

So he left me with a script to read and that was my first attempt to draw a storyboard.It was called the Ivory war, and i had enormous fun drawing it.

It was a bit like learning by doing, as i used examples of google to try my first storyboard.

Having done this one, and having the amazing opportunity to speak to other clients, who work in that field, i soon drew the second and third board for shorts.

so there where more shorts, of course…


a music video even, where by the way i had the honor of participating 😛

The Video by the way was for Danny Valentines and the meditations for the song *Queen of everything* The result however is yet to be seen 😉

Another interesting project where some stickers that have yet to be realized, though designing them was great fun too!

And more, but that- later …!



One major change in my life -additionally to the breakup, the move, the living by myself again, was my growing interest in Tattoos.

I’ve always had a thing for body art, yet was to scared of the pain, and the permanence of the image.

Turning 25 last year and craving a big change or frankly something NEW , i finally went for what i was dreading so long. The image i knew for years. A poppy…of course!

Actually going to get it done was such a huge thing for me, and i didn’t want anybody with me there for that very reason. I went with many friends in the past to hold their hand etc. but this one i wanted to go through alone.

So i went. What can i say…the fact that i got it done on a place that normally doesn’t see the light of day very often, left me being everything- but alone 😉 In fact , the opposite was the case, as i attracted quite a little crowd that watched whilest i was laying basically pants down …

The artist of that piece is Steward Robson of Frith Street Tattoo in Soho

One of them was Craig. Craig’s a photographer for bands Tattoos etc, which wasn’t all that obvious right away, as i just assumed he’d be another Tattooist, judging by the vast amount of body art that adorns his body. You should check out his myspace page below !!!

He’s one of those strange individuals that i have been drawn to and inspired by my whole life.So far, i only ever did a drawing , but i’m sure that one day he’ll also end up being a subject of one of my paintings, as he is just to interesting a person, to not paint him !


So that was Tattoo no 1, of which i will actually not put any pics up here…:)

Tattoo number 2 Was the poppy  and shaded stars on my wrist, created by Lianne Moule of Flamin 8

I love this one a lot, as it’s the one i see most of the time, and it’s just so beautifully crafted!!!!Now that wasn’t all for that year, as my little new found addiction just so started to blossom and november came, and Tattoo no 3 with that…

The idea to that i simply got of a photo, which i then drew, gave to Lianne and then got it tattooed on my neck, where i still always admire it when i  put my hair up.

Those ones are only the beginning of a vast growing collection over my body. Having  Tattoo’s, especially those one on public display often makes me talk about them too, as simply people would approach me about them. Mostly because they find them rather unusual, as they don’t actually typecast me into any kind of scene.  I believe that the reason for that would be the fine artistic skill with which they have been inked into my skin.

Also very often people tell me that they would like a Tattoo but are to scared to get one because of similar or even the same reasons that i delayed my first one for so long. Now there are a few things i’d like to say to that subject:

Firstly…. i think it’s the smarter way, to find an image first, than research about Tattooists that have the style i am looking for, since-don’t forget or underestimate- Tattooists are very talented artists that have their very unique and own style. You wouldn’t ever go to Dali and tell him to paint a Picasso for you, that just wouldn’t be very smart at all, and is also -in my opinion- disrespectful to the artists own style!

Once you found one go there with your ideas and maybe even drafts or pictures and talk to them thoroughly. If they are good, they will make it pretty easy for you to understand what’s possible and what not. Listen to them as they are the pro’s!!!

I always have my own idea, and research for a particular style that i like, but i also like the artist to give it their own identity and twist by drawing it up themselves, as that way everyone is happy in the end!!

I have been really happy about each and every Tattoo i have gotten so far and as mentioned before, the collection is steady growing.

My last edition has been created by Joao Bosco of Self Sacrifice

Those guys are really cool and very helpful and friendly. They have also just moved adress to Wardour street in Soho, just opposite pret a manger, but i will find out the exact adress later and update it!

Joao isn’t just a very talented Tattooist, but also a bloody good laugh! He sweetens up the sessions with a spot of singing which is always good fun. The piece of art he created so far on my leg is the biggest tattoo i have yet , and will continue to grow up the whole of my left side at some point. I have to say i am rather looking forward to it!

Summing up my experience with Tattoos so far i have to conclude one thing, and i even convinced my own grandmother with that argument.

If you get a Tattoo, look at it as if you are getting married to somebody. It will be for life and if you want to get rid of it, the consequences will be rather painful and expensive and it will always leave a mark on you 😉

you are more than welcome to quote me on that one 🙂

This section of my blog will surely expand as will by own body art, though for now this is all i have to say! Enjoy and feel free to share thoughts about it!



Two rather poignant pieces were born back then too. One – IT’S ALL IN MY MIND- is these days owned by Paul, and still one of my favorites i have to say.

it's all in my mind

Another one was I DON’T WANT ANY PROMISES, which was painted, lets say- towards the end of our relationship if that makes sense … 😉

i don't want any promises...

Obviously, there is beloved poppy, and the pigeons…

The one in the right lower corner, i actually saw and photographed one day, as it looked so peaceful that i just had to capture it. There are more dead birds in future works of mine as for some reason they have something beautiful about them i think.

dead pigeon

dead pigeon drawing...

During the time that our living together came to an end, i kind of put the painting on halt and drew my heart out…


I suppose the drawing go without any explanation….



Having moved to another place, out of the flatshare and in , just with Paul-made me paint even more.

In that period i produced pieces like THE JUNGLE IN MY HEAD, and CLOSENESS OF LIFE AND NATURE. in which i very much enjoyed exploring the influence of Frida Kahlo, as well as Henry Russeau, with all their excessive use of plants and leafs.

the jungle in my head


some of the stuff that inspires me...

closeness of life and nature

Another of those was LOVERS EMBRACE

lovers embrace

Since i spend a lot of time painting, i was also pondering about a lot, as i always do..

In moments like them i came up with  MY ROOTS AND WINGS, which shows a lot about my needs and wants at the time…and also about the divide within me, between my hometown Berlin and my new home London!

my roots and wings sketch

my roots and wings

I also created quite a few portraits of people that i know, most of which i am quite close to.

There was SOPHIE AND HER MUM (btw the only portrait i did of her she actually ever liked 😉 )

sophie and her mum

My friend STEFF



Paul and i…

Paul and i

My family portrait….

my brother and i..

family portrait

And one of the favorites of my recent exhibition…MARYLIN MANSCHEWSKI a little homage to a very sweet girl 🙂

Sabrina with her painting

Marylin Manschewski

Then there is MY GRANDPARENTS, which was a gift from me to them on their golden wedding anniversary.

my grandparents

one of the actual wedding pics

Sticking to the subject, there was another wedding portrait i did and that belongs these days to Sarah and Lee Martin-who are very good friends of Paul

sarah and Lee Martin

And last but not least, there was the portrait of Thomas, which i only recently finished, three years on that is…!

I just didn’t know how the background will look and all of a sudden i knew…

can money actually buy happiness ...?

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